I had to do the dreaded task today and shop for jeans.
I've decided that shopping for jeans is a really miserable experience. It is only topped in its wretchedness by shopping for bathing suits. It beats that by a mile.
Over the past few years, my jean stockpile has dwindled down to two pair. I love these two pair of Levis Bootcut 505s. I have one that I favor over the other. My blessed favorite pair of jeans got ripped while packing yesterday. You would've thought I ripped open my skin by the gasp of disbelief I let out when I realized what happened. I was truly sad. Why?? Why that pair?? Whyyyy!!?????
So today, I headed out to Kohl's and looked to find an exact duplicate. It doesn't exist. The Levi 505s have become stretch jeans. Does anyone really prefer stretch denim? I tried on pair after pair, trying to gauge the appeal by the size and closeness of the rear pockets. Nothing makes you look fatter than too small pockets placed too far apart.
I nonchalantly checked out my butt in the three-way mirror. I really wanted to closely examine it from all sorts of angles but there were other customers around so I had to act as if I didn't really care what I looked like from behind. Initially, not so bad, I thought. Then I lifted up the back of my sweater to get the full rear-end effect. Yikes! You know how faces are described in shapes such as heart, square, round, etc? Well, I've decided that butts are like that too. The most desirable butt shape being triangular. Mine, however, is square. Yes, square. It's as wide at the top as it is along the bottom. And flat. I look shapeless and thick-waisted.
I wonder if there's a pocket size and placement to minimize a square-shaped butt? Ahh, just one of the many pleasures of middle age....
6 comments:
Mrs. TBF and I* agree on this one: You need to stop buying "mom" jeans at Kohl's. Go buy yourself some fashionable, low-rise jeans; you're not too old to wear them. Maybe you'll need to buy some new underwear too, but life is...all about change.
*dictated by Mrs. TBF to TBF
The Swede and I have different takes on your comment. He says you're flattering me and I say you think I've been wearing mom jeans based on the fact that I buy my jeans at Kohl's.
Who is right?
I like the stretch, but am also a Levi's girl and have found success with the "missus" ones.
Ok...let me set the record straight before I get into trouble here...
I have never thought that you wear "mom" jeans. I have to admit that I've never really noticed your jeans. I just associate Kohl's with selling "mom" jeans. Whew!!!
So, you are correct AND TMS is also correct. Mrs. TBF says you should go to Nordstrom and buy some jeans that "...flaunt that aaaaa!"
Oh...and BTW...
I just realized that I have a pair of Burberry jeans (not bought at Kohl's) that I would consider to be stretch denim (80% cotton 20% polyester). They are low-riding, stylish, and EXTREMELY comfortable.
Also, a butt shaped like a triangle? What da..."?
Oh no-no-no...you're absolutely not in trouble.
Kohl's is a great store. Very similar to Carsons but cheaper!!! You can never get me to stop shopping there!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!
Triangular, yes. You know, slim in the hips, little shapely down below. No?
Have you tried JC Penney? They seem to have a good selection of Levi's (on-line, too). I love Levi's also, and I do like the stretch ones, however to me those low rise ones are awful on me!!
I agree, It IS so hard to find a decent pair of jeans. I think that Levi's will custom build you a pair, don't kow how $$ tho. Wouldn't that be nice??? Molly
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