Harry Potter and the Blood-Sucking Librarians

Just about the surest way for me to start blogging again is to tell someone I'm "just about done". Three times I've said it, and three times I begin again. Why do you think that is?

My post tonight goes in the "no good deed goes unpunished" category.

While camping recently, our older son left his library book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, out on the sofa. Never, ever leave anything out on the sofa, floor, chair, counter, anywhere with a one-year-old dog with a chewing problem around. Never.

Luckily, I caught her in the act before she could do much damage but then I went right out to the campfire and began my lecture on putting things away.

I checked the book...only two pages chewed and no small pieces. I was in luck. This book could be repaired. Tape the page I did...ever so exactly. All that was missing was a portion of one word. ONE WORD in a 600-something page book! I looked at the other damaged page, the blank page to which the library card pocket is adhered. Oh crap. The dog chewed the bar code. There was no returning this book without fessing up. Dang.

In my sweetest mom-to-mom voice I tried explaining to the librarian what happened while showing her the damaged inside page. "Not bad at all, you can still read every word!" (Well almost.) Then I showed her the bar code page. Hmmm. She was examining the page like she was some sort of forensic scientist librarian. She didn't have the authority to make a decision so behind the wall she went to discuss my case with her supervisor. She came back with bad news. We had to replace the entire book. Ugh! Doesn't she know that we recently moved, I've had no work, and that we're virtually penniless at this very moment? No, of course she didn't. I smiled, sure I would find a $3.99 very lightly used copy on Amazon.com, and walked out.

While bitching about discussing it with The Swede, the boys chimed in on how we should've just dropped it in the return slot and taken our chances. I began another lecture about libraries and that there's nothing else like them anywhere else in the United States. I ranted about how much money libraries have saved me over the course of my life blah, blah, blah...At the end of my lecture, I ended up feeling pretty good over my impending "donation".

So began my search for the lightly used, $3.99 copy on Amazon. Did I say $3.99? Ha! I don't think so. This is an expensive book. The stupid dog has champagne taste...on our beer budget. Well, I can hunt down a bargain even if it takes two days of my time to do it. Not wanting to pay shipping, I decided to try the new Half Price Books near us. Ah-ha! They had a copy...for about a quarter of the price! It should be named Half-Price Half-Price Books. I paid my $9.98 and drove over to the library to make the exchange.

I got a new librarian this time. This time I had my defenses up. Still nice, but READY. I sweetly explained the unfortunate circumstances that led to my having to replace the book. I slid the new book over the counter where she, too, began inspecting it.

"Hmm....different covers. Hmm...doesn't seem right." She checked the number of pages. Same. "Hmm...why a different cover?"

"I don't know, this is the only hardcover I could find. Maybe a second edition? (Nervous chuckle)...I know nothing about book publishing."

"We really only accept an exact copy and edition." I think you're going to have to purchase it from us for $34.99."

"$34.99??!! Nowhere on the internet was there a hardcover copy anywhere close to $34.99. See, this book is BRAND NEW and this one is USED. How about I go on Amazon and purchase a USED copy, just like this one? Would that be exact enough? I mean, c'mon, $34.99?"

"Actually, the book itself costs $29.99, but we include a $5.00 wrapping/identifying fee."

I didn't want to get into the fact that she could just take the dustjacket off of the old copy and wrap it around the new one in about 10 seconds. I thought it best if I just stayed quiet and pleasant.

I left after her instruction that she needs to consult with her supervisor and one of them will call me with their judgement in my case.

Right about now, I could use another one of my library pep talks.