A coulple of weeks ago, something was said to me--about me--that I was strongly offended by. I said my part of the apology. I'm still waiting for an apology from the offender. So far, nothing. Most of the time, I don't think about it. But every once in a while, it really gets me. I would like this person to do the right thing and acknowledge that what was said was offensive and uncalled for.
TMS says I should just forget about it. He is more passive than I am. We see this from two different perspectives. I see him as "rolling over" and letting people walk all over him. He sees himself as a peacemaker. He sees me as being confrontational. I see me as having strong self-esteem and not taking sh*t from people.
I think the older I've gotten the more I've have lost the ability to rise above the situation. I now fight back. I'm not sure if I'm being childish or just hitting things head-on rather that sweeping things under the rug.
Am I wrong to want this apology? Even if I get it, will it even be sincere since I had to ask for it?
I hate conflict. In the wise words of Rodney King, can't we all just get along? After I get my apology, that is.
4 comments:
I am definitely not saying roll over. I am saying, pick your battles. Is it worth risking a friendship over? I know your answer is no. I have learned and continue to learn that sometimes digging your heels in over something is just not worth the aggravation you cause yourself. So in a round about kind of way, my way is self preservation.
I can hold a grudge for a long time. LONG.
K has a DEGREE in Peace Studies...PEACE STUDIES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD... from a woovy, groovy Quaker school.
He asks for what he needs (like apologies or thanks or whatever) and he's made me try it.
Surprisingly, even if you have to ask for it...it still feels good to get. It still resolves the issue that is festering and allows you to move on.
BUT. If you want support for folding your arms and stamping your foot on the issue, I am TOTALLY your gal.
Commence the name calling!!!
I am a wanna-be confrontationalist. (Is that even a word) I am continually getting my feelings hurt. I never say anything to the person, I just toss it back and forth in my head until I want to scream. I will play out different scenarios where I scream out how I really feel and let the person know that they are not without fault...... AND I always end up more worked up about it than before.
Recently I have tried writing letters to these people. I never end up sending them because "I don't want to hurt their feelings", (even though they have scarred me for life :)) but I do feel better getting it down.
To each his own.
I have a friend who taught me the art of "open communication" (confrontation). In a way I'm glad I address things that are bothering me. I just wish I could do it and not feel like such an idiot afterwards. I always beat myself up over it. I almost pulled this post after writing it and then decided to go ahead with it. We'll see if it turns out to be a good or bad idea.
Thanks for the support.
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