Gifted. There. I said it. We have a gifted child.
It has taken me a year and a half to get to the point where I can say it. For over a year, I avoided the word for fear people would think I was bragging about my child. Now, don't get me wrong, I feel blessed that we have a child who is an eager learner and doesn't have trouble with schoolwork. But proud? Why are parents proud of their child when they have an innate ability? TMS says it's like him having hazel eyes. He was just born that way. I am sure we did not contribute to his "giftedness" (there's that word again) other than the possibility that there was something, somewhere in our gene pool. Considering TMS and I, giftedness must skip a generation.
After the second grade standardized testing, the results showed that our son is in the top 1% of the nation academically. (OK, now I am bragging.) This qualified him for our district's "Gifted and Talented" program. In order to be part of the program, he would have to attend a new school. At the end of second grade, we made the difficult decision to change schools and try out the program. We have always been more concerned with our kids' self-image, behavior and social interactions than we have been about their academics. We had a good thing going at the old school and it was tough to make a change into an unknown situation. We're still not positive we did the right thing, but you can't undo the past. Why even contemplate whether or not it was for the best?
Anyway, I didn't want to come off like I was bragging, or feeding my own need to feel important, or responsible, or anything like that, so I avoided the word "gifted" altogether. Heck, if I was, I'd have to accept responsibility for all the bad behavior too and I'm not about to do that. I avoided the word to such an extent that no one I told understood why he was leaving the school. I know now that a few people think he's attending the new school because of a learning disability. This kind of bothers me so I must not be completely unconcerned with academic ability.
School started for my boys yesterday. Now that son #2 is in first grade at the regular school, I saw a few people that I haven't seen since son #1 left. In a couple of conversations, I mentioned that he is in the gifted program. I thought "What the heck, I know I'm not being braggy...so what if they think I am?" Over time, I realize it has gotten so much easier for me to talk about this. Still the hesitation remains....
My questions to you are...
Is it okay to say that your child is gifted?
Is there another word I can use in its place?
Does everyone assume that you're either, A, a braggy parent, or B, a delusional parent, and not just stating a fact?
Your responses will be interesting because, of the few of you who actually read this blog, your lifestlyes are pretty much at the opposite ends of the spectrum.
6 comments:
I think it is all in the tone.....
And like you said, you know you aren't bragging, so who cares! Be supportive (as I am sure you are) and make sure that he doesn't feel awkward that he is in this program.
I remember an incident that happened to me in the 7th grade. I am by no means gifted....in fact I was tested for the gifted program in our school and fell short. (hence my feelings of insufficiency, just kidding) However, I did make good grades rather easily and in 7th grade it was not cool to make good grades, according to my "friends". I was torn by my personal desire to do well and my "friends" disdain if I did. It sounds likes your son will be in an environment where he is among peers that he will be able to relate to and they can collectively soar.
He actually started the program last year in 3rd grade. Yesterday he started 4th grade (the program goes through 8th grade.)
I love the fact that it's a classroom full of kids that are all a little different and he's not the only different one. I saw his confidence grow a lot last year.
My question would be, "What does the school call their program"? If they use the term "gifted" then why should you feel bad about using that term?
I agree with Miss Timber, it is all in the tone. Bragging has a certain tone and delivery about it.
You can be proud of your son and be humble (because your family is blessed) at the same time...which I experience when I read your blogs and TMS's blogs.
I don't think it's bragging because every parent I know "thinks" their child is gifted. At least you have the test scores to back it up. Seriously, I can't think of one parent who doesn't brag about how smart and "gifted" his/her kid is - so just go ahead and do it! My only question is: If there are so many gifted kids around, then why am I so concerned about today's kids' ability to run the world when I'm in my twilight years? Maybe they're just late bloomers...
One of my nieces is in a gifted program because of her test scores, and I'm not really sure how my sister deals with it. I'll have to ask her.
How about..."Our child was academically unchallenged which resulted in us having to put him in a more challenging environment."?
Ahhh...WTF! Screw political correctness! "My kid is way smarter than yours, and I didn't want your dunce slowing my kid down!"
I think the bigger challenge will be if your second son doesn't end up in a gifted program like the older son. Then you'll have another set up problems to deal with - "My friends asked me why I don't go to the same school as my brother." "Why do your sons go to different schools?" "My brother is saying that he's smarter than me!" "WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
MY GOD!!!! I hope you're a "gifted" parent!
The younger son's giftedness is of a different sort. He is the most clever, manipulative, strategic, mastermind, ringleader EVER. He has been running circles around us since he was born. He also does well in school, in fact, maybe better at this point than his older brother was doing. The missing ingredient is the enthusiasm. He'd rather be goofy.
I think what separates bright kids from what they call "gifted" kids is how they process information. They're analytical and their minds go from one thought, to another, to another, in a "how does everything fit together" sort of way. I believe that's why they're often incorrectly diagnosed with ADD. It is a constant struggle to keep them challenged. It is a you-know-it-when-you-see-it trait.
TSK and I have struggled with this since he was identified. We do not want him to think anything of it either as it truly is a different way of learning. There will be plenty of kids with better test scores and plenty with worse.
There I go again downplaying it. We are very proud.
Post a Comment